I’m thrilled to introduce my new contributor this week, my daughter, Katherine Tarleton, MFT. She’s worked with me over the years and now has her own degree and voice to share. Though she’s only an hour down the road in Greenville, SC, I haven’t seen her since this all began. (So frustrating, right?!) But I am so very proud of how she’s handling all this, especially when, like many of us, she was already handling huge stress before Covid came on the scene.
While being separated is stressful for all of us, there is also significant stress in being together way more than usual, so Katherine offers practical suggestions to navigate this challenge. Please, feel free to reach out to her with any questions or comments.
The Quarantine Files—The Relationship Issue
Being stuck in a house with just your significant other can be rough. While I feel for those who don’t have anyone around and lack human interaction, quarantine can wreak havoc on couples who aren’t used to spending 24/7 together!
Anyone out there an introvert? *raises hand* I know I’m struggling with having someone else in my space all the time! And all the extroverts out there are probably frustrated by the inability to leave and interact with other people, tempting them to take it out on those with whom they’re trapped.
While there is no singular quick-fix to help all couples through this pandemic, here are some tried and true options to keep in mind for when you really feel like stabbing your partner (or just need them to stop eating cereal so loudly on the couch next to you!)
- S P A C E. Pure and simple. Find your own space inside your home and kindly ask your partner to respect that you need to be alone for a bit. To help, make sure they understand that it is not about them, but rather that you’re feeling overwhelmed and need to process by yourself.
Obviously, that’s easier said than done when you have kiddos, but try switching on and off on childcare for even 20 minutes of downtime to help reset and refocus! For couples who don’t have the option of physical separation, for example those living in tiny homes or studio apartments, try using headphones or other barriers to represent that space. - Communication. I know, I know, it’s a cliché in therapy. But it’s a cliché for a reason! So many couples find themselves frustrated over a breakdown in communication. (My own relationship can definitely be included in this!)
While this point warrants its own full post, for now let me just say, remember to be kind to each other. We’re going to get frustrated and don’t have anyone else to break the tension. So, if a fight happens, retreat, take some time, and then apologize and start fresh. Resist catastrophizing, saying “always/never,” or blowing it out of proportion! - Play. Find some way to have fun together to break the tension! There are so many great ways to enjoy each other’s company. For example, my husband and I are big into games, both board and video, so we’ve been playing those together a lot.
A classic game on the floor is lava both gets you moving and uses your brain to problem solve- all while having fun. Or break out the Nerf guns and have an all-out battle, prompting lots of giggles- and as a bonus for either of these the whole family can join in! - Technology. Obviously, we’re all pretty much living on Netflix and Hulu in our free time, but we can use technology for so much more to help our relationships. Set up Zoom hangouts with friends near and far and play online games together. We’ve been playing a lot of Wordscapes in our house! Call or facetime with family (both alone and together). Use the internet to help further some skills you both want to learn- like finding and making a new recipe together, or taking a virtual dance class.
- Vitamin D. Get outside! Sunshine is so, so good for our psyches, and doing something together outside will help not only bring you closer to your partner, but give you both some of that much-needed healing. Plus, it will help you feel a little less trapped inside!
Clearly this is not an exhaustive list, so what are your go-to ways to navigate this weird time in our society? And of course, if you have any other questions or comments, or ideas for other posts you’d love to see from me, feel free to reach out!
